How Do I Make It Up to My Husband After Hurting Him?

Look, we’ve all been there – you did something boneheaded that really hurt your husband’s feelings, and now you’re desperate to make things right again. Whether it was an insensitive comment that cut too deep, forgetting a major anniversary (oops), or even a direct betrayal of trust, the guilt is eating you alive.

The good news? If you’re losing sleep over how to properly make amends with your husband after hurting him, that means you clearly love and value the man. Half the battle is simply caring enough to want to repair the damage you’ve caused. The other half is following through with the right actions to rebuild that intimate connection.

So for all the well-intentioned wives out there looking to get your marriage back onCloud 9 after a major self-inflicted turbulence, here’s a guide on effectively making it up to your husband the right way. No more stumbling around blindly hoping a hastily-bought gift does the trick – it’s time to put in that real emotional labor, queen!

Step 1. Take Full Accountability

The very first step toward making things right has to be owning up to your hurtful actions or words with zero excuses or deflections. Whether you nervously blurt it out face-to-face or write him a vulnerably honest letter, clearly communicate:

“Babe, I messed up, and I’m so sorry for the pain I’ve caused you. What I did by [insert bad behavior] was inexcusable, and you didn’t deserve to be hurt like that. I take full responsibility, and I’m going to work hard to rebuild the trust between us.”

Accept however he initially responds too – whether giving you the cold shoulder briefly or unleashing some pent-up anger. Don’t get defensive, just actively listen and validate his point of view. Holding yourself truly accountable is crucial before any real making-up can commence.

Step 2. Repeatedly Reassure Through Actions

Simply vocalizing remorse once won’t instantly fix a major marital hurt – it’s going to take continually reinforcing your words through thoughtful actions over a long period. Thoughtful gestures and conscious efforts go a long way, like:

• Changing the behaviors that led to the situation in the first place
• Making more of an effort with the little things he adores (special homecooked meals, planning date nights, cute notes in his lunch, etc.)
• Being vulnerably transparent about your feelings to rebuild intimacy
• Proactively checking in on his emotional state and listening without judgment

This step proves to your husband that you aren’t just paying lip service to making it up – you’re overhauling fundamental parts of yourself to deserve his trust again.

Step 3. Check In and Adapt As Needed

Remember, every couple’s situation is unique, so what constitutes sufficient making-up won’t be identical across the board. Regularly check in with your husband to get honest feedback on whether your efforts are truly helping him feel more loved, valued, and secure in your relationship.

Based on his input, be willing to adapt your approach or double down on what’s resonating the most. Maybe he’s feeling a lot more reassured by you consistently working on better communication habits versus relying on grand romantic gestures. Or perhaps making more of an effort to bond with his friends again will expedite rebuilding trust.

The key is routinely taking his emotional temperature and tweaking as needed instead of assuming you can set-it-and-forget-it until you feel like you’ve made up for it. Stay collaborative until your husband expresses feeling like your marriage is firmly on the mend.

Step 4).Have Patience and Stick With It

Chances are if you inflicted big-time hurt on your husband through a betrayal or egregious offense, it’s going to take many moons before he’s ready to fully let his guard down again. Do not get disheartened by the inevitable slowness of his heart softening – stay the course and keep faithfully putting in that work to make it up to him every single day.

In the wise words of Maya Angelou, “It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody.” Even if it takes weeks, months, or years, your steadfast commitment to doing whatever it requires will eventually lead to your husband rediscovering his capacity for forgiveness in his heart. And when that day comes, you’ll both be able to move forward stronger and wiser.

Key Takeaways:

• Take full accountability first by owning the hurt you caused with zero excuses
• Back up the remorse with repeated thoughtful actions over a long period
• Regularly check in to adjust efforts based on what’s resonating with your husband
• Above all, be extremely patient and don’t get discouraged if rebuilding trust takes time
• Stick with it and forgiveness will blossom when your husband sees your sustained sincerity

At the end of the day, truly making it up to your husband after hurting him is less about the grand romantic gestures, and more about the daily little things. The laundry chores done without asking, the random love note in his bag, actively working on whatever personal flaws caused the rift – those humble gestures add up exponentially over time in restoring faith.

As long as you wholeheartedly validate his pain, constantly reassure him that you’ve overhauled the root habits that led to hurting him, and stay stubbornly committed to putting in the work for however long it takes, that angel will absolutely find a way back to your marriage. Love wins when you earn it.